personal statement!

[bananasuit]

well.. after kayz moaned and groaned and nagged on and on at me.. ive decided to FINALLY apply for uni!! .... but im having trouble with my personal statement... this is what i have got so far..
As I have been working within retail since I left college, I have decided that I would like the chance to further my career. After having a taste of the responsibility I got when I was floor manager for ‘Shelly’s shoes’ in Birmingham I have realised that my interests lie in the management area of retail, so therefore I would like to study towards a qualification that helps me gain the job of my dreams. I have a passion within retail and I want to succeed as a retail manager.

Through out my college life I battled with personal and family issues that almost certainly affected my overall grades, but now as a young woman I wish to return to education now I am motivated and enthusiastic about my career options. Gaining a HND in business and management would open many doors for me and broaden my horizons.





but i think its waaaaayyy too short...please helpme.. gimmi some advice on what else to write!!!

[M4RN1]

This is belongs 2 some1 else and im sure you can pick a few pointers and tips from here.


Throughout my educational years my interest in Chemistry and Biology have guided
me to apply for forensic science as a higher education course. I feel extremely
confident in these subjects and feel that I can achieve a successful career in
this field. The constant sense of discovery through the simplest reactions
fascinates me from a young age. It is as if a whole new world is present in
front of me, the world of molecules. I am eager to learn at the cutting edge of
knowledge and helping the public by keeping the criminals off the streets, hence
the particular course I have chosen. In biology, I am mesmerized by genetics
and the structure of DNA itself. The specificity of enzymes and genetic
fingerprinting simply captivates me. How electrophoresis is used to sort out
fragments of DNA according to their size.

I have taught at my local mosque to
children between the ages of 5 to 16. This has given me a big sense of
responsibility, as I was accountable for the student's time whilst studying in
my class. I have also travelled to America in 2002 to become an imam in the
mosque. These proved to be a very good experience for me as I was able to
communicate with all types of people coming for different backgrounds. More
over, I had to give speeches on a weekly basis from which I gained a lot of my
confidence. I also manage the football team of my boarding school that I
attended in Leicester. Staying at boarding school has made me fluent in several
different languages and is able to communicate in English, Urdu and Gujarati. I
spent four years in boarding school in which time I completed the memorising of
the Quran and my GCSE's. My stay at the school has given me a great level of
independence and self-determination. Going out on social; trips with the local
mosque has given me self-assurance in giving presentations and a combination of
individual and teamwork. In my spare time, I like to play sports as well as read
books and magazines such as New Scientist, Focus and Newsweek. Travelling to
different countries and discovering new places is also a favourite hobby of
mine. I take pleasure in meeting new people from various backgrounds and
learning about their cultures and ways of life. At university, I hope to
increase my understanding of Chemistry and Biology and develop my skills as a
first-rate scientist. I enjoy challenges as well as the rewards achieved from
solving problems together, with the understanding of new concepts thus the basis
for my interests in these subjects.

[Tazmania]

I dunno if this'll help, but here's an example..

Being an enthusiast in the study of Chemistry, I am fascinated by the way in which new
medicines, material and various kinds of products are created. Science has always held my
enthralment from a young age because of its depth, and the new discoveries that are always
being made.
I enjoy the study of Chemistry because of all the logic involved in it and the systematic
structures we learn about, which fits in side by side with the study of Mathematics because of
all the problem solving.
I particularly enjoy the experiments which we carry out once a week, because of the whole
hands on experience I receive as well as expanding my knowledge on the particular topic we
have learned. It is an essential aspect, because we see the actual Chemistry behind the
theory.
As part of AS progression in Chemistry, our task was to synthesise Paracetamol from material
that was readily available. Part of the task was to find suitable starting reactants and to
ensure that the whole project was economically viable. As there were three stages necessary,
the whole process was split between the class. This task felt very stimulating to me and an
extremely enjoyable experience, strengthening my desire for sudying this subject.
In March 2004, during my AS year, we attended a Chemistry conference at UCL in London. The
conference was an extremely valuable experience for me because the main aspects of Chemistry
were covered, teaching me to think like a Chemist. One aspect that has particularly remained
in my memory is the ongoing discovery for a cure for Aids and the experimental failures that
had occurred.
Studying Psychology at AS level has made me understand more about human nature and actively
take part in discussions and debates about morals and general topics, in which part the
study of English Language has played a big part, boosting my confidence in every day speech,
where I can phrase words differently to how I would normally have done.
My jobs have varied from being a part time sales advisor to being a full time
teacher for four weeks at a summer club. The reason for the diversity in employment choices
is because I enjoy gaining new experiences and having a different view on life. I have become
more responsible from the jobs as well as becoming a more amicable person.
I am currently undertaking the Duke Of Edinburgh award, where I hope to gain new skills which will
help me in the future. Also, being a student representative, I have gained the experience of
interacting with other people with whom, I normally wouldn't have had the opportunity to talk
to. This position involves taking opinions from everyone in my tutor group on current issues
within the college and portraying the ideas to representatives of other tutor groups.
I hope in the future to go into the field of Chemical Engineering. I would especially love to
synthesise medicines that will be more affordable and effective. On a personal level, I have seen the poverty stricken people from South Asia, of which are a majority, suffering
because of being unable to afford the medicines necessary for their cure. This has made me
even more determined to try and come up with medicines that can be made on a large scale, and
affordable by the poor in third world countries.

well..it all fitted within the space provided..
good luck wid ur personal statement..i rememba it being a BIG headache!doh!

[bananasuit]

mine ended up being about 1400 characters.... out of 4000 !!.. so i dunno i guess i cut the crap and got straight to the point...e.g.

IM GREAT LET ME DO THE COURE OR ILL GET NASTY!!

[Tazmania]

LMAO!

u joka...so..how's it goin now? 8)

[Memphis]

Originally Posted by bananasuit Gaining a HND in business and management would open many doors for me and broaden my horizon.

But can you not do a HND course at college...wouldn't it be less hassle and inexpensive...and if you do have maths and english that can take you straight to a degree course..haina

For your personal statement its okay...but i think you need to ajust the first paragraph...talk abit more about your general intrests in Business and Management

[sweet sanju]

have u got a outline? like the main questions to answer? cos we got given a paper with questions we need to answer and build it up from der!!!

[Sidra240]

personal statement aint too hard...iv done most of mine just need to add few more bits too it....its quite easy once u get started thou

[sweet sanju]

yh wer have this sheet with key questions that we need to answer helped loadssssssss

[Sidra240]

yeh i finsihded mine but just need to improve on few of the sentences

[Angel]

do yourz gt chekd b4 they gt sent off......ourz are when we do them

[Sidra240]

yeh the tutor shud check the whole application anyway b4 its sent

[sweet sanju]

our teachers want drafts in so they can write comments redo it and write comments redo it aghain and again til it's perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!