Ness - The Asian Place - Desi Forum

Evil_Genious · 23-04-2009, 22:46

Ness by EG

Let me tell you about this girl her name is Ness
when everyone leaves me she's the only one left
stays close to me says she has my best intrests
met her when I was sick and tired people, feelin depress
so when she was taking care of me, I couldn't contest
how she was telling me I need to concentrate on myself
I was feeling what she was sayin so I thought I'd reasses
how I lived my life and how I could bring success
confessed my sins, skeletons and fell in love in the process
but I spend too much time with her and I'm feelin supressed
every time I try and get away I'm feelin kinds pressed
coz I don't wanna spend time with nobody else
so I retreat back into her arms put my head on her chest
for it's the only place I don't feel the distress
you can say we perfect for each other more or less
for when I'm in her arms, that's when I'm feelin at rest
let me tell you all about this girl her name is Ness
I treat her like my girl even though she's just my loneliNess

Spider Pig · 23-04-2009, 22:51

she must give one mean bj man

Rab C Nesbit · 23-04-2009, 22:51

Oh! Budden Boy.
I love you.
The last line makes it what it is.
I could so abuse you right now.

Guji-Ji · 23-04-2009, 22:52

That's awesome man. Very heartfelt. Wish I could write like that lol.

Rab C Nesbit · 23-04-2009, 23:09

Right, getting technical:

how she was telling me I need to concentrate on myself
- that line has three syllables extra, and doesn't flow so smoothly.

Apart from the very school style of trying to rhyme in every line, it works.

I love the repetition of the line "Let me tell you about..."
Then again, I love anything that goes full circle, and poems that start and end the same way.
Although, you ended in a totally unexpected way.
á la Raxstar and Sunit, I guess.

...but even within that twist, there's so many other twists.
Like the true creative brain that you are, you hinted at it right from the word Go.
I could so rape you, right now.

Thanks, bitch.
I hate you.

Evil_Genious · 23-04-2009, 23:17

Raxstar? LOL I would say more like Common - I Used To Love H.E.R

Well I would have hoped, but I guess rhymes is more Raxstar LOL....

Rab C Nesbit · 23-04-2009, 23:23

No, I don't like Raxstar, all that much...
I can't remember his style, or anything.
...but I remembered him doing a song like that as I finished reading your poem.

BlackmaideN · 23-04-2009, 23:29

That is amazinggggggggg... I was like this

thinking EG has found the one who can match his every step.. then I read the last line and was equally as

as I was

Shakespearean!

D351-GUND4M · 24-04-2009, 01:03

woooooooooaaaa EVILING! gengsta

i wanna smoke 4 less, never gonna fess, time of ress, whas ever is bess....
the monster be learkin like the lock ness...

Cheeky_Princess · 24-04-2009, 12:45

I love it...

queen bee · 24-04-2009, 13:34

I like it, a lot.

Reminded me of Common, Used to love her.
and.. Erykah Badu - Love of my life

23-04-2009, 22:46	#1 (permalink)
Evil_Genious Loyal Member Location: The Future Gender: Male Country: Posts: 3,306 My Mood: Rep Power: 504 Rep Level:	Ness Ness by EG Let me tell you about this girl her name is Ness when everyone leaves me she's the only one left stays close to me says she has my best intrests met her when I was sick and tired people, feelin depress so when she was taking care of me, I couldn't contest how she was telling me I need to concentrate on myself I was feeling what she was sayin so I thought I'd reasses how I lived my life and how I could bring success confessed my sins, skeletons and fell in love in the process but I spend too much time with her and I'm feelin supressed every time I try and get away I'm feelin kinds pressed coz I don't wanna spend time with nobody else so I retreat back into her arms put my head on her chest for it's the only place I don't feel the distress you can say we perfect for each other more or less for when I'm in her arms, that's when I'm feelin at rest let me tell you all about this girl her name is Ness I treat her like my girl even though she's just my loneliNess "You ain't have to do much to tempt me titts and over what the age of consent be that said you don't have to be that far over sometimes jailbait is worth goin jail over"

23-04-2009, 22:51	#3 (permalink)
Rab C Nesbit Forum Addict! Location: Dystopia Age: 30 Gender: Female Country: Posts: 1,916 My Mood: Rep Power: 186 Rep Level:	Oh! Budden Boy. I love you. The last line makes it what it is. I could so abuse you right now. I am Confidence and Insecurity. Evil Genious is My Budden Man.

23-04-2009, 22:52	#4 (permalink)
Guji-Ji Respected Member Location: London Age: 20 Gender: Male Country: Posts: 13,378 I have 6 Blog Entries Rep Power: 503 Rep Level:	That's awesome man. Very heartfelt. Wish I could write like that lol. ^^Thanks to the Evil_G^^

23-04-2009, 23:09	#5 (permalink)
Rab C Nesbit Forum Addict! Location: Dystopia Age: 30 Gender: Female Country: Posts: 1,916 My Mood: Rep Power: 186 Rep Level:	Right, getting technical: *how she was telling me I need to concentrate on myself* - that line has three syllables extra, and doesn't flow so smoothly. Apart from the very school style of trying to rhyme in every line, it works. I love the repetition of the line "Let me tell you about..." Then again, I love anything that goes full circle, and poems that start and end the same way. Although, you ended in a totally unexpected way. á la Raxstar and Sunit, I guess. ...but even within that twist, there's so many other twists. Like the true creative brain that you are, you hinted at it right from the word Go. I could so rape you, right now. Thanks, bitch. I hate you. I am Confidence and Insecurity. Evil Genious is My Budden Man.

23-04-2009, 23:17	#6 (permalink)
Evil_Genious Loyal Member Location: The Future Gender: Male Country: Posts: 3,306 My Mood: Rep Power: 504 Rep Level:	Raxstar? LOL I would say more like Common - I Used To Love H.E.R Well I would have hoped, but I guess rhymes is more Raxstar LOL.... "You ain't have to do much to tempt me titts and over what the age of consent be that said you don't have to be that far over sometimes jailbait is worth goin jail over" Last edited by Evil_Genious; 23-04-2009 at 23:19.

23-04-2009, 23:23	#7 (permalink)
Rab C Nesbit Forum Addict! Location: Dystopia Age: 30 Gender: Female Country: Posts: 1,916 My Mood: Rep Power: 186 Rep Level:	No, I don't like Raxstar, all that much... I can't remember his style, or anything. ...but I remembered him doing a song like that as I finished reading your poem. I am Confidence and Insecurity. Evil Genious is My Budden Man.

23-04-2009, 23:29	#8 (permalink)
BlackmaideN Advanced Member Location: birmingham Gender: Male Country: Posts: 610 My Mood: Rep Power: 88 Rep Level:	That is amazinggggggggg... I was like this thinking EG has found the one who can match his every step.. then I read the last line and was equally as as I was Shakespearean!

24-04-2009, 01:03	#9 (permalink)
D351-GUND4M Loyal Member Location: ガンダム Throne London ''HYPE DA FUNK'' Age: 24 Gender: Male Country: Posts: 3,720 My Mood: I have 4 Blog Entries Rep Power: 153 Rep Level:	woooooooooaaaa EVILING! gengsta i wanna smoke 4 less, never gonna fess, time of ress, whas ever is bess.... the monster be learkin like the lock ness... Gundam ''Last Showdown'' Some People are Sweet an Yet so Bitter...So Best Thing To Do is Sour Them...That Way There Rotten

24-04-2009, 12:45	#10 (permalink)
Cheeky_Princess Respected Member Location: East London Age: 18 Gender: Female Country: Posts: 9,064 I have 18 Blog Entries Rep Power: 373 Rep Level:	I love it...

24-04-2009, 13:34	#11 (permalink)
queen bee Loyal Member Location: Where the hoodrats at? Gender: Female Country: Posts: 2,198 My Mood: Rep Power: 238 Rep Level:	I like it, a lot. Reminded me of Common, Used to love her. and.. Erykah Badu - Love of my life

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