Holiday Wid Ur Partner
The packing.....
Guy - dont bring loads of towells
Woman - Why not
Guy - We get clean towells at the hotel whenever we want them
Woman - But I like my own towells
Guy - Just bring a few beach towells and use there towells for showers
Woman - *pulls face and starts packing big hair dryer, big Iron and hair straighteners in suitcase to go with her outfits to last a whole year.
Guy - why do you need soo much shit
woman - what shit
Guy - the fucking iron, they have a iron in the hotel.
Woman - yeah, but them EU irons don’t have no power
Guy - Well that’s too big, bring a travel iron
Woman - They have no power either
Guy - Just iron all your clothes now then they wont need a powerful iron
Woman - *starts unpacking all of her clothes and ironing them* whilst giving dirty look and saying 'is that better' 'happy now'
Guy - No, because you still have a big fucking hair dryer
Woman - Whats wrong with that
Guy - Well it either means you taking up all of my suitcase space and leaving my own shit behind, otherwise I have to pay pathetic extra weight luggage charges
Woman - *Goes quiet because she knows its true*
Woman - * looks in your suitcase * in sweet voice say 'babes, why are you taking them shoe's, they really don’t suit you. I would prefer you wore them others one's you have in there more days/nights than wearing them ones at all.
Guy - But the other pair is like a loather and would be used for shorts. Then the other pair is brown, I can’t just have one pair for trousers that are brown. I need a black pair they isn’t a flat loather.
Woman - Well I wanna take my hairdryer
Guy - there is a hairdryer in the hotel
Woman - but mine has 10 speeds
Guy - I got a better idea, its 100 degrees, why dont you just sit your ass on the balcony for 5 minutes and let your hair dry that way. You dont even need a hairdryer.
Woman - Do you even know why its called Blow Dry?
Guy - *gets agitated and eventually says, just stick the fucking blow dryer and fucking hair strengtheners in my case if it makes u happy.
So now you get on holiday, no extra weight luggage charges but you left behind so much shit just so she could fit all of wardrobe in two cases.
First day, she feels sorry for some poor woman/bloke who is literally begging to plait your hair in some bands so he can earn a few quid.
So what does she do, get her hair plaited thinking she is J Lo.
Guy - Wtf are you doing now
Woman - Don't you like it
Guy - No,I had to sacrifice my black shoes so you could bring hair straighteners which you are now never going to use.
Woman - just shut up
Guy - What? Who you fucking telling to shut up
Escalates into the first full blown argument
..Next day around the pool
Guy - * see's some muscle man in his Speedo’s with a bulge like Linford*
looks at him thinking, ‘I know she’s looking at him through her sunglasses’, so he turns around...and guess what? she dont even have the sunglasses on, she is lifting them above her eyes so she can see him better. More anger building up inside for the guy
Then ....... 3 topless female teens on hols for come to the poolside
Woman * clocks them and does the worst shit she could ever do....because you didn’t even clock them
Woman - says ' look at them 3 slags over there' (like it will make us think less of them)
Guy - * looks and dont really say much
Woman - 'What you looking at'
Guy - Nothing
Woman - you best not be
*3 topless women get in the pool and start throwing a ball about*
SPLASHHHH,all over your girls chest as the ball bounces right next to the guy
Guy - * gets up and passes the ball back to teen girls *
Teen Girls - * giggle and say thanks hun*
Woman - Gets screwface,and does what is known as tick off the box
TICK OFF THE BOX
Now women do this for all sorts of shit, but im not talking about ticking the box as in does he have a nice car, does he have money, is he tall/dark/handsome no no no this is some different shit, they mark off every little thing you do wrong but dont say shit...but next time an argument starts they are ready for your ass with every little thing you have done wrong in the past month. Either that or they do the silent shit untill it gets resolved. Yep, im talking 'I dont want anything to eat' 'Im not hungry' 'I dont wanna go there' Basically they just make everything awkward untill the guy says 'is there something wrong'
Woman - Nothings wrong
Guy - there is, your being funny with me
Woman - no, im okay * then proceeds to read her magazines for the next however many hours like you are not there*
This becomes argument no 2 where she will tell you everything she has ticked off in the box and also say something like 'I dont even know why I came on this holiday' or 'I can't wait to get home'
GETTING READY TO GO OUT
Guy - *Showers first, in - out, shake it all about and he is done. Dressed even before the woman comes out the shower with a walnut whip on her head
Guy - 'Woahhh, wtf is that on your head. I thought you was Eryka Badu'
Woman - Its so the water dont drip down my back or face
Now this is when it becomes apparent women use soo many towells for just one shower
Towell on the floor to step onto, towell to wrap around there body and one that goes around there head. Not forgetting the one later smeared with make up
So now the woman is getting dressed
Outfit 1
Woman - Does this look alright
Guy - Yeah, looks alright
Woman - No, I look fat, just say it
Guy - you dont look fat, it looks good
Woman - you just said it looks alright, make your mind up
Guy -No, it looks good
Woman - your just saying that, im getting changed *throws outfit onto the dirty floor and never wears it again*
20 mins later
Woman - Does this look good?
Guy - You look the dogs fucking bollocks, lets go
Woman - dont rush me, your just saying that now because of the last outfit, it aint good enough *throws outfit on the floor*
OUTFIT 3
Woman - 'This is better aint it'
Guy - I dont really care what you look like, lets go
Woman - what?
Guy - I dont care, lets go
Woman - You dont care, shows what a fucking ignorant prick you are
Guy - you aint cared about what I’ve thought for the past 2 hours let alone trying to accuse me of not caring.
Woman - Do I look nice tho?
Guy - You look fat
Woman Fat?
Guy - P H A T - PHAT
Woman - no need to spell it out
Woman - Well im just going to wear that black Karen Millen Dress, I wont look fat in that
Guy - *Gets even more pissed off, been changed for over 2 hours but is now sweating and needs to change himself*
Woman - Im ready now, I knew I should of put this dress on first of all
Guy - * gets changed due to sweat marks after putting up with her bullshit for 2 hours
Woman - 'Why is it, im always waiting on you. Your never ready'
Now, if any couple can last through this shit I salute you
Good luck
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