Friends, and their other halves.

[queen bee]

OK - I've noticed something. Perhaps within myself, im not sure. Hence creating this thread, I'd like to know who else doesn't mind being a discourteous bitch when it comes to their friends other halves.

Not so much discourteous, but 'unacknowledging' of them. Like, do you really consider how your friends partner 'feels' about how you are towards their bf/gf, or do you give a shit about someones status? I've noticed, people (generally men, from my experience) don't really give a shit if you are in a commited relationship and continue the flirting, touchy-feely stuff, with hopes of getting somewhere. When clearly, they won't. Perhaps the same with women, obviously I'm not sure of that since I've not had many flirt with me

Anyway, it only really occurred to me when one of my male friends intro'd me to his new girlfriend, some time ago. At first i was obviously polite and pulled all my social-skills out the box to keep her sweet! But in recent times, Its like I don't really care?
I can quite openly flirt with him in her presence and since I and he know its 'all jokes' we tend not see that line, and its often crossed, very often.

It just made me think, how no one does actually 'respect' anothers significant other (or maybe its just me, maybe im just very rude) I'm sorry world.

But I don't feel bad. Since It doesn't bother me how my boyfriends female friends are with him. But are there any people on here that dislike how 'close' their partners are with friends of the opposite sex and do you find the 'disregard' offensive? Or is it brushed off, as a 'whatever'. How are you around your friends when they have their gf/bf with them? Do you 'take a step back' and reserve yourself or are you just normal about it?

Im not sure that makes sense, jdiuejwdowk Blah. Make sense of it.

[Rab C Nesbit]

I'm pretty much like yourself.
I'm promiscuous with most of my friends, both male and female, and the HunchBack never gave two shits.
(Although, he didn't like me telling him about how I take it from the back from a guy mate, or how I really want to shag the brains out of one of his mates).
He's a Lady's Man, so it would be foolish of me to even want him to keep away from girls. He did/does his own shit, as long as he kept me in the loop about big shit.

But, not all people are like that.

One of my closest friends ever, I've had to become distant from, because of his girl.
He's an arse himself for letting it get so bad, but she's Evil.
Yes, I've slept in the same bed as him, and cuddled all night, but it's as platonic as we can make it.

I hate people like that.
Preventing their other half from being who they are.

[xxMINAxx]

My last relationship was strange..
Where He was allowed to socialise with all regardless of sex, I wasn't. If I interacted with any male, be it a colleague or family member, regardless of the context of the interaction.. He'd turn into a monster.

He, had a flirtatious nature. Flaunted. In some ways it was a power thing.. To make me feel a certain way, 'cause I let him? I don't know..

With him, I did feel a little insecure when he was around his female friends, despite them always being polite and what have you.

Generally, I'd be polite to any other half of my close ones. I wouldn't stop being myself and alter how me and that particular person were around each other simply 'cause of them.

[DJ B4VVY]

If it's a guy mate then I would be careful with what I do and say infront of his girlfriend, it's not nice if she got jealous because I know I'm the jealous type so if I had a boyfriend and his girl mates were flirting with him, I wouldn't like it at all even if that's what they do and what they're used to but that's just me.

[Ranj]

Naturally, your partner will have friends of the opposite sex and you may just have one who's best friend happens to be of the other sex. I think people will only find it disrespectful if they see you as posing a threat, ie. were you ever more than just friends at some stage?

[queen bee]

Rab C, see I can understand that.. to me, that type of behaviour seems most natural. And I know so many guys that have gone over to the darkside because of their evil evil women. It's a shame how some men get pussy slapped, these days.

Mina, Hypocrisy is rife with most asian men. (Presuming he was asian, woopsies for the assumption, if not.) Thats one thing I can't stand though. If your fella's doing it, why can't you. Anyway, since it's 'history' and very much personal, i'm sure you don't want to go much more in to it so I wont delve.. but yeah, 'politeness' so forth, fair enough.. it's how you'd expect most people to act.

Bavy, seriously. Seriously? It doesn't bother you that you can't be yourself? Well i supose it depends on how close your relationship is and his 'expectations' of you when you are around his lady. Hmm. Dunnos.

Ranj, totally. But in most cases its plain paranoia. Speculation, ruins the entire relationship. If 'those types' learnt to chill out a bit there would be no issue there. I don't understand the need for drama with most females. Recently, actually, I said something so little to one of my male friends.. along the lines of, 'When am I going to see my (my friends name)' and his girlfriend had a huge fit and assumed there was something going on between us. I mean things like that deserve a big fat LOL

[xxMINAxx]

Originally Posted by queen bee Mina, Hypocrisy is rife with most asian men. (Presuming he was asian, woopsies for the assumption, if not.) Thats one thing I can't stand though. If your fella's doing it, why can't you. Anyway, since it's 'history' and very much personal, i'm sure you don't want to go much more in to it so I wont delve.. but yeah, 'politeness' so forth, fair enough.. it's how you'd expect most people to act.

He was Asian.. I do see it happen alot but my ex seemed to go a bit extreme.
That chapter is closed but I am able to speak about it..

I'd be too much an effort to not be myself around a person due to the presence of a new face. I wouldn't make deliberate attempts to make a person feel shitty.. If the relationship between two people is founded correctly and which shared principles, if you will, are shared. Then surely it shouldn't be an issue?

[queen bee]

Originally Posted by xxMINAxx He was Asian.. I do see it happen alot but my ex seemed to go a bit extreme. That chapter is closed but I am able to speak about it.. I'd be too much an effort to not be myself around a person due to the presence of a new face. I wouldn't make deliberate attempts to make a person feel shitty.. If the relationship between two people is founded correctly and which shared principles, if you will, are shared. Then surely it shouldn't be an issue?

No one deserves to be treated with that much disrespect, so i congratulate you on leaving! Most women tend to put up..

Oh no, not at all. Deliberate attempts are awful, im more so baffled as to why some girls get offended so very easily. (When the intentions are pure. Even in 'extreme' humour, its completely innocent) But obviously, no one can really answer why whiney cow's are whiney cow's. Each to their own, If a female wants to be insecure with herself and with her relationsip then I dont mind being her means of venting at the world! Meeeeeow.

[xxMINAxx]

Originally Posted by queen bee No one deserves to be treated with that much disrespect, so i congratulate you on leaving! Most women tend to put up.. Oh no, not at all. Deliberate attempts are awful, im more so baffled as to why some girls get offended so very easily. (When the intentions are pure. Even in 'extreme' humour, its completely innocent) But obviously, no one can really answer why whiney cow's are whiney cow's. Each to their own, If a female wants to be insecure with herself and with her relationsip then I dont mind being her means of venting at the world! Meeeeeow.

Thank You..
Being in that cycle.. I got very much caught up in it and believed what I was being told and what have you..

Deciding to leave was one thing.. Actually leaving.. It was the hardest decision ever. The best one. But the hardest.

Strangely, now would you believe he's seen the error of his ways etc etc etc. Quite amusing when you consider everything..

His friends, the girls, they'd tell me that I was their friend too and what have you. But the moment I left; they turned. I'd not given them every account of the things that broke us - I had no need to yet with half a one-sided story they made major judgements. Oh well.. It's a funny, strange world we live in!

[queen bee]

It's easy to get caught up in those things, dominating partner, speculation after speculation etc some women don't even realise they are in such a relationship. Too afraid to cast aspersions on their good man's character. But, with time.. 'assholes', too, eventually learn. It's only when you view yourself as third person, that you can be critical of your actions..

Originally Posted by xxMINAxx Oh well.. It's a funny, strange world we live in!

Mm, it is indeed. That's why i strongly feel friends should not and do not belong in the package, our business is ours. What ever is done on friendly terms, fine. As long as it does not 'affect me', not bothered. Because if worst came to worst, and things didn't work out, they'd just be a source of gossip. You'd be good for a giggle, nothing more.

[DJ B4VVY]

Originally Posted by queen bee Bavy, seriously. Seriously? It doesn't bother you that you can't be yourself? Well i supose it depends on how close your relationship is and his 'expectations' of you when you are around his lady. Hmm. Dunnos.

It really depends on who she is and how long I've known her for. That situation I gave would apply to a friend who has a new girlfriend. If it's a girlfriend I know of and she knows me then she would know it's my nature to be a bit flirty (but not blatently flirty) so hopefully she wouldn't feel insecure (she may think I'm a bit weird but everyone does )

[Rab C Nesbit]

Girls are just as bad at getting whipped, though.
The minute they get involved, you'll never find them.

I've never been able to do that.
I've tried, but, it just doesn't work.
Man is there for his penis, and clever tongue.
Friends are for companionship.
(I'm not saying he can't be a friend, just, he can't be your everything.)

[queen bee]

Bav, I hear you now. I was :-/ before, but yeah fair enough, makes sense

Rab C, yeah of course, but its (unfortunately) 'expected'for a female to get whipped. Whereas a man usually ought to be able to stand on his own two's without having his bitch control him (there is a line, a huge line. It goes from one extreme to the other with men, though.) Either too domineering or too much of a pussy.

Why can't men take middle way? ...I supose that's another topic all together

[Zero]

Only one word needs to be said in such an argument:

Balance

[queen bee]

I wasn't so much asking 'how to tackle' so and so..
or how to balance friends/partners (plural for you, zero)

Just whether people are offended by the above (without reiterating my first post)