Recommeding for marriage

[M4RN1]

When a girl or guy intends to marry with someone of their liking it's natrual for them to 'investigate' about him/her.

If somebody approached you asking about your freind or family member, cousins etc..and you know he/she has a reputation of bad doings.
religiously they break every law ie drink, drugs, sex before marriage and you KNOW evrything.

Would you recommend the person that he/she is good because you get on well or no??


If you recommend them and say yes he / she is a good person and you know with their behaviour and attitude marriage wont last and it would be a hell trip.


If you say no would you explain your answer OR say in breif he/she is not compatible?
If you tell the 'delgate' that this person is so and so and spill every dark secret and your mate/cousins find out, would you be shame to look them in the eyes?

[mani]

its a tough one because if u tell the truth and it puts the potential off the person and then the person finds out u told them this and that - they'll be pissed off at u

if u lie then the potential after marriage is gonna say u knew s/he was like that and u never told me and u've ruined my life.

i'd just tell the truth tbh and if u lose a friend u lose one.

i'd just keep it short and sweet - i wouldnt recommend them tbh i dont wanna say why but i just think if u went ahead u'd regret it.

[Voodookid]

Honesty is the best policy.

I've been in this position a few times and i've always said what i thought.
Marriage is a big step in anybodies life, and if i recommend someone and that marriage fails then I would be feeling somewhat guilty.

If you enquired about a girl i know and i knew that you where both honest and good for one another and so on then i would give you my honest opinion about her.

[mani]

we had an enquiry about a girl and our family said it straight that she's a nice girl, the fmaily's nice but her brothers are idiots. upon our recommendation they went to her place for rishta, got married and now her father in law the guy who asked us comes to our place thanking us for such a wonderful daughter in law as initially he didnt want to do the rishta but only did so after speakign to us.

[Guji-Ji]

Exactly.

I mean it's a difficult position to be in but what can you do. Marriage isn't a minor thing. Your playing with peoples lives if you lie.

[D351-GUND4M]

man i accully know someone who...got marraid and then the deep dark secret came out later....turns out the girl has many secrets....such a shame really.....

wonder what she was thinking when doind such events .....''ohh no one will find out''

but once u been passed about like a toy....im sure one or the other along the line ur future husbands friend is amoung.....

[Voodookid]

Would you say that finding a guy or a girl that hasn't had sex before marriage is vital in the 'marriage material' scenario?

[M4RN1]

Entirely depends on the persons preference.

[mani]

voodoo- depends from person to person - but it'll deffo improve your interest levels if you havent.

i think a large percentage of ppl do look for that still

[Voodookid]

And I wonder how many of them showing interest are virgins?

yes there are a high percentage who 'save themselves' for marriage but there is also a large if not larger percentage that don't! and what is the likelihood you'll end up with the percentage that do save them themselves??!

[MiSs]

I'd just tell the truth about that person in the most nicest way possible. Like some one said. Marridge is no minor thing.

[CrazYt™]

I wouldn't recommend them no... as it would save everyone the trouble and mishap of a divorce. You got to think in the long run and it is not going to work out.

Depending on how close I am to the person being enquired about I would either just say that they are not compatible and not say anything else or give an explanation as to why they might not bee compatible.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly, this is about two peoples lives at stake here so they ought to know everything about their potential spouse.

In Islam marriage is the only place where backbiting about a potential is allowed and it makes sense as to why it is allowed.

[$xy $onz]

im gna disagree wiv most of u cuz wat if getin married wud change dis person cuz i knw alot of fuk ups dat hav changed so much afta geting marid n nw u wudnt even fink dey wer eva bad at all so by saying no u cud b ruining der chance of havin a good marriage life

i wudnt recomend or say anyfing cuz i wud jus say u wna find out bwt em its best if u talk 2 da person urself n get 2 knw em instead of asking around

[MiSs]

Originally Posted by $xy $onz im gna disagree wiv most of u cuz wat if getin married wud change dis person cuz i knw alot of fuk ups dat hav changed so much afta geting marid n nw u wudnt even fink dey wer eva bad at all so by saying no u cud b ruining der chance of havin a good marriage life

But what good is a marriage that starts off with a lie?
A marriage where some truths are missing?

Even if you dont tell the family asking for your views about that person (the bad things....)

Some one else that knows them probally will.
sooner or later. some how some way wife/hubby may find out about past...

no matter how good or saint-fied that person becomes after, wont change the past.

People can change. but things that have already been done cant be "un-done".
so best to tell the truth. and for them to try become a better person.
If they accept them. Good.

If they dont. then that persons just gonna have to try harder.

Ok now Im gonna stop typing for a bit, because Im just waflflings on

[kuzko]

Originally Posted by MiSs But what good is a marriage that starts off with a lie? A marriage where some truths are missing? Even if you dont tell the family asking for your views about that person (the bad things....) Some one else that knows them probally will. sooner or later. some how some way wife/hubby may find out about past... no matter how good or saint-fied that person becomes after, wont change the past. People can change. but things that have already been done cant be "un-done". so best to tell the truth. and for them to try become a better person. If they accept them. Good. If they dont. then that persons just gonna have to try harder. Ok now Im gonna stop typing for a bit, because Im just waflflings on

i agree. siss, xxx
thats so true.
my ex when he stop calling me and texting me; i knew he was hiding somthing until i found out, it broke my heart.

its not good to lie, and try assume that; someone will never find out. best to tell someone you are going to spend rest of your life.
i personally dont agree with arranged marriage; full stop!

its like you are going to marry someone you dont know, and later find out he/she might have been friends with one of your friends, and ended up beating her abusing her?
and you never knew!!! until she was shocked to see who you was getting married to.