Chicks over Dicks.

[diva2620]

So you know how it is.

The friendship code:

Chicks over dicks! Bros over Hoe's!

You NEVER ditch your mate for a guy/girl!

So as you all know i celebrated my birthday last Friday, all my friends from everywhere came down it awesome.
It meant alot for me for Trish and Kat to come . There 2 of my best friends.Completely different to me. They socialise in totally different places. Id never be seem dead where they go. The hate my scene and music. Which means we never get to go out together..Though i have sometimes gone to there places because ive been bored. They've never done that for me even though they have said they would..

Anyway!

Birthdays! None of us have a choice we have to go where ever the birthday girl wants to! Last Month is was Trish's birthday and went to there trashy places! No complaints!.

So friday were all having an awesome time, drinking at the hotel even though i knew they had an issue with the smoking they didnt seem to be complaining..
We move on to a local bar..Then Lennons my regular! my second home!

From what iu could see everyone was having a good time.. even kat , trish and Claudia( there friend they bought along) but i notice Trish on her phone abit down.. So i ask her whats up, she says Dee( a guy shes been seeing for about a week )was going to come here to meet us all ..I thought wow thats pretty nice of him to make alot of effort with us.So why so down..she didnt say anything..

so the night goes on, my friend soraya is telling me i cant go smoke for the next ten minutes. Shes telling tom and daniel to get everyone on the middle of the dancefloor. The little cutie had got My friend ian to do a set from 1am to 3am dedicated to me. So all my songs! it was pretty fucking sick! He was about to do a shot out to wish me a happy birthday so everyone was trying to get everyone together to be there and get ready for some hard cor dancing..but nobody could find Kat , Trish , Claudia and kenny..

I got my shout out, i got my first song, it was great but i noticed i couldnt find them..Then BAM!
I just knew it they had left to go fucking whitehouse(this shity trashy club they always go to)

I told my sis .. she went nuts but adam was like look just enjoy your night and deal with them in the morning so i did.. Just got on with my night.

I got no texts , no phone calls .Nothing.

Then about half 3 Lenara gets a phone call, were all staggering back to the hotel at this point. All i hear is lenara shout 'Fuck you, I dont want to see your face right now!'
I clock on its trish so i snatch the phone and demand to know where trish is. She tell me shes at jj's(famous kebab place in southampton hahah).. Lenaras pretty fucked and insists we all go to confront them because theyv been bang out of order..
So we all go but them all in there drunken states end up in different places so we all agree to meet back up at the hotel. Im left with wallace , daniel and sarah..no idea where lenara and adam have gone to.. I go into a ship shop but then i see trish!! She see's me and hides behind Kat!! I walk up casually and just say ' Thanks alot u fucing stitches..'

Fuck the chips i couldnt be dealing with seeing there faces,munching away like theyv done nothing wrong.

The i hear trish shout out my name .
I just tell exactly what im feeling:
' How could you just sneak off like that, its my birthday , my night for once u had to come out with me. One day in the year! was it really going to fucking kill you?!
Couldn't u stay away from shithouse for one night?! '

All she said was sorry.

I was done. I was about to get in the taxi but then kat comes over i see her and say:
'dont you even bother . You selfish bitches'
I expected Kat to try and explain what she had done. But to my surprise she completely flipped!!!!

'Me selfish?!!? i fucking came out for your birthday! with all u skanks smoking in my face, your shity dirty places u go out got my shoes ruined BLAHBLAH BLAH'

Im in serious shock, My boyfriend just pulls me away and tell me to get into the taxi then kat grabs me i just tell get your hands off me b4 i do something ill regret in the morning.. She eventually walks off in tears...
Everytime i go out with her theres always drama and its got to do with her. I specifically told her b4 my birthday please watch the amount you drinkl and please behave. And what does she do? gets shit faced and argues with me. Not even my fucking fault!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I end up switching my phone off and getting in the taxi ..............

Next morning i get texts from both of them apologizing, admitting they were selfish , that they dont know what to do to make it up to me that they know there in the wrong ..apparently they were really drunk they didnt think of the consequences...

So i tell them we need to get togther and talk. We meet up and i tell them both they fucked up it was the only day in the year i get to have everyone around no drama and my night. The convo gets pretty deep as alot of things are said.. Trish begins to cry..
I tell kat she has a drinking problem.. That i hate her when shes drunk shes a different person. i tell trish that i know she left to go whitehouse to see that wanker dee thats im really disappointed. They both agree with me.

We all decide that were not going to let it affect our friendship. I said i wont forgive them but im willing to forget...

But im finding it pretty hard.
I hate the fact that trish choose this wanker, thats shes literally all over him when hes been a right dick to her argh!
When she talk abot him i wanna tell her to shut the fuck up.
Kat i just dont even want to drink with her, cos shes a fucking joke when shes drunk.

Me and trish had a pretty intense text convo the other night because she tried to make a joke out of it . I told her dont ever make a joke out of it. She told me that i was being extreme! so i said that my best friend ditching me on my birthday for a guy is fucking extreme!! went pretty bad from there. I relaised that i need to forget about it, but im finding it hard.. what should i do???
Were all going for dinner on weds me , kat , trish and lenara . I want it to be normal.But can i move on???

Advice please.
No spam please.

CHeers!

[Voodookid]

Its always difficult to forget and forgive when things like this happens, because it has an effect on how you see your friends. I have friends who have let me down in the past and will probably let me down many times in the future too..

The best thing to do is try and look past that and see the good things about them, rather than bringing up the bad things they have done. Not all friends are the perfect ones, and your friendship can sometimes grow to become strong after you have arguments and tiffs. It will help you build a good bond, just like it would in a relationship with your boyfriend... after an argument you make up and it helps you build a stronger relationship

[Scrooge]

From what i got out of all that was, your whole friendship is based on benefits. The moment they left u for there own purposes, from being friends they became 'bitches'. The supposed close mates, ditched u in a matter of seconds for a guy they known a week? What is your friendship based on? have u ever really thought about it? coz people go through loads of 'friends', specially at uni, when someone becomes a benefit to your own needs, they become friends, but the moment they step out of that benefit zone, they are deemed *insert unfriendly names*

U say u constantly have these arguments with one of your best friends when your rat arsed, is that friendship? once u got a bit down ya's, it becomes a free for all...

[diva2620]

Originally Posted by Voodookid Its always difficult to forget and forgive when things like this happens, because it has an effect on how you see your friends. I have friends who have let me down in the past and will probably let me down many times in the future too.. The best thing to do is try and look past that and see the good things about them, rather than bringing up the bad things they have done. Not all friends are the perfect ones, and your friendship can sometimes grow to become strong after you have arguments and tiffs. It will help you build a good bond, just like it would in a relationship with your boyfriend... after an argument you make up and it helps you build a stronger relationship

That's the thing they've never ever let me down b4 just this, and i cant forget it for a while!

Trish is totally like one of those girls that when she starts to date someone she falls for them straight away.. kinda sad to watch.
When i think about how close we are and how good friends they are im fine, But when think of last Friday, i get really angry inside!

Originally Posted by Scrooge From what i got out of all that was, your whole friendship is based on benefits. The moment they left u for there own purposes, from being friends they became 'bitches'. The supposed close mates, ditched u in a matter of seconds for a guy they known a week? What is your friendship based on? have u ever really thought about it? coz people go through loads of 'friends', specially at uni, when someone becomes a benefit to your own needs, they become friends, but the moment they step out of that benefit zone, they are deemed *insert unfriendly names* U say u constantly have these arguments with one of your best friends when your rat arsed, is that friendship? once u got a bit down ya's, it becomes a free for all...

What benefits are they getting from me?..
Ive known them for years. They've never betrayed or let me down in anyway.
I know if i ever needed them there be there in a shot.
The problem is Trish chose this loser over me. Hadn't she been so clingy and needy for him it wouldn't of happened.

Kat has a drinking problem . That she seriously needs to sort out.

What do u mean by free for all?

[Rab C Nesbit]

I see where you're coming from, but I also understand how gaga people can go over their new beau...
You had every right to be upset, it was your 21st, you wanted everyone you care about to be together to celebrate with you...
but, surely you understand that when you first get with someone, you just want to spend every moment with them?
...and some people do bend over backwards to try and please that person; your friend left you to see the guy... probably not because she wanted to upset you, but she really really wanted to please him.

It's not right.
...but it happens.

I don't totally agree with your "forgetting but not forgiving" reasoning.
It doesn't make sense.
How can forget what's happened, if you have forgiven yet?
Surely, it's better to accept their apologies, but keep it in the back of your mind...?
(If you really can't forget about the situation).

The past year has taught me a lot about "close" friends.
Most of them are amazing - they listen to your problems, you have amazing nights together, they have the same wacky sense of humour as you etc etc etc... but that's when they've got nothing else to do...
When someone else comes along, you're not important anymore.

It just happens that way.

The best you can do is suck it up, and not let it get you totally down.

[diva2620]

Originally Posted by Rab C Nesbit I see where you're coming from, but I also understand how gaga people can go over their new beau... You had every right to be upset, it was your 21st, you wanted everyone you care about to be together to celebrate with you... but, surely you understand that when you first get with someone, you just want to spend every moment with them? ...and some people do bend over backwards to try and please that person; your friend left you to see the guy... probably not because she wanted to upset you, but she really really wanted to please him. It's not right. ...but it happens. I don't totally agree with your "forgetting but not forgiving" reasoning. It doesn't make sense. How can forget what's happened, if you have forgiven yet? Surely, it's better to accept their apologies, but keep it in the back of your mind...? (If you really can't forget about the situation). The past year has taught me a lot about "close" friends. Most of them are amazing - they listen to your problems, you have amazing nights together, they have the same wacky sense of humour as you etc etc etc... but that's when they've got nothing else to do... When someone else comes along, you're not important anymore. It just happens that way. The best you can do is suck it up, and not let it get you totally down.

I was hoping to get a reply from you

Yes,i totally understand what its like when you meet THE perfect guy!
Ive been there and i still am, but i never let him get in my way of important plans.. kinda sucky that she did.

Yes, your completely right, she didn't want to upset me she wanted to please him..
That's what i couldnt understand though why so much effort for him after hes been a knob and on this night..could of waited for another night..hmm..

I see what you mean about forgiving and forgetting and your so right..how can i forgive if i cant forget..so my conclusion is in time i will get over it.

We've all seen each other loads ever since and its completely normal now , back to how it was and im happy
Could this be me getting over it?
Or i think im realising why am i holding a grudge over a special beautiful friendship we have..

Because my close friends have never let me down in the past b4 i think thats why it was such a big deal for me..

Sorry to hear about your friends,
I guess im really lucky in that sense , this is the only time Ive been let down by anyone and thankfully Ive been really blessed to have amazing people in my life that when they know they've fucked up there totally take responsibility..

Thanks a lot for all your advice if it deffo made me a release a thing or two!

[mani]

i was kinda half expecting somethign like this to come up for some reason.

i dont know who trish and kat are but they seem old friends. sometimes the things u had in common whne they became ur mates just dont last. sometimes u just need to move on , and stick with the good memories. it'd be nice if all the mates you ever had stayed the same but they dont.

if u knew that xyz didnt like thsi music and that friend etc you should expect stuff like this to happen.

sometimes its just better to be around people who are like you rather than the ones that were. no harm in cutting people out of your immediate social circle

[Rab C Nesbit]

I kind of agree with you, but then also disagree, mani.

Yes, if you've been friends with someone for a long long time, you'll change, and they'll change.
It won't be the same friendship, or even a friendship anymore.
It's just something that you have to accept.

However, just because someone has different tastes to you, doesn't mean you should get rid of them.
It just means that you're different... and you need to work out a balance so that neither of you has to do too much of things you don't like.

Diva, I get into too much shit to give advice... I just told you what I have experienced.

Friendships are mind fucks.
...and you have to work hard to stay on top of things.
But, hard work always pays off.

[diva2620]

Originally Posted by mani i was kinda half expecting somethign like this to come up for some reason. i dont know who trish and kat are but they seem old friends. sometimes the things u had in common whne they became ur mates just dont last. sometimes u just need to move on , and stick with the good memories. it'd be nice if all the mates you ever had stayed the same but they dont. if u knew that xyz didnt like thsi music and that friend etc you should expect stuff like this to happen. sometimes its just better to be around people who are like you rather than the ones that were. no harm in cutting people out of your immediate social circle

When i first met them we were all totally different but we just all clicked . we've aways

had a really strong bond. Even though were in total different social groups.

I know that it would be really different for them but i made the effort for the birthday , id totally expect the same from them. Its one day of the year.

They were never like me to start off with and they never will be but that doesn't mean i shouldn't cut them off. So there not into the same music as me..never mind. We can still hang out and do other stuff. Not being able to go out with them is no big deal it sucks but its not the end of the world , but friendship code . Birthdays are Birthdays - you stick it out!!

Originally Posted by Rab C Nesbit I kind of agree with you, but then also disagree, mani. Yes, if you've been friends with someone for a long long time, you'll change, and they'll change. It won't be the same friendship, or even a friendship anymore. It's just something that you have to accept. However, just because someone has different tastes to you, doesn't mean you should get rid of them. It just means that you're different... and you need to work out a balance so that neither of you has to do too much of things you don't like. Diva, I get into too much shit to give advice... I just told you what I have experienced. Friendships are mind fucks. ...and you have to work hard to stay on top of things. But, hard work always pays off.

Well cheers darling

[satan]

Forgive, but don't forget.

[WildHeart]

wow that long story uff?