Experiencing Death...

[Rab C Nesbit]

...of a loved one.

The past year, I've lost over 6 people in my life.
But, I didn't experience the sense of knowing that they're not going to be here much longer.

My uncle is currently dying.
That sounds odd, doesn't it?
I mean, I know in a general sense everyone's dying; every second gone, is another second closer to death.
...but according to doctor's, my uncle is dying very quickly.

How do you get your head around that?
I mean, once they've gone, they've gone.
That's it.
You slowly understand that they're not coming back again.

But, when the only thing you know is that they're going.
...you don't know how or when...
How do you understand that?
That possibly in a couple of days' time, a week's time, maybe a month's time, he's not going to be here...
But he's here now.
...but not here, 'cause he's unconcious.

I feel quite selfish, 'cause all I can think about what I haven't been able to do with him, and what I can't do anymore..
...but I'm not sure of what I'm meant to be feeling, or how I'm meant to act...

[Zero]

I think when the doctor says that a patient is dying; it's really a better way of saying "theres no chance of recovery so be there for him in his last few days..."

I don't think its selfish at all. It natural to think of what "could've been" or what "can never be no more". The main thing is that you acknowledged it and you hope for him to die a painless death, which is usually not possible...but its good to hope..

I have a relative in the same position, I don't really want to mention who but when I saw him I felt a different sort of sadness I have never felt before. Different to the sadness that you got bad grades or watching the end of the titanic...

If he's unconcious you cant act a certain way for him, but I spose you could console (sp?) his wife and relative close to him. Do a few prayers in his name. That sort of stuff...

[Rab C Nesbit]

I'm a very tactile person.
...and the worst thing was seeing him lie there, and not being able to hug him or stroke his face or hold his hand.

I hate that whenever death pops its head up prayers and religion is mentioned.
'Cause I get stuck.
Do I do what everyone around me does?
I mean, that's the tried and tested method.
Recite the Kalimas, and do lots of du'as for his soul.

...Or do I have my insane "chats"?
Where I hope, pray and speak from the deepest parts of my soul?

I've never cried as much as my uncle made me cry when I was little.
Even my parents didn't discipline me like he did.
... but they never took me on a bus, either.

I'm requesting the parents if I can go back to see him on Saturday.
...but Gut Feeling says that I've seen him for the last time.

[D351-GUND4M]

.........never take life for granted......

[Cheeky_Princess]

oh rabsy
I'm so sorry to hear this..
seeing a loved one in that position when you no its nearly the end end really hurts.
Cuz you are lost on what to do...cuz you can't do much.
Death is one of those things i run away from..
I can't handle it. So i'm selfish by staying away i didn't for my grandparents but anyone else death after that i've not gone to the funeral as it brings back painful memories.

You have my number, ring me if you want to let it out, speak about it or anything
I'll listen...cuz sometimes just talking it over can help and help you accept the truth.

[Guji-Ji]

I'm very sorry to hear about your uncle.

I think you shoul deal with it in the way that helps you rather then what people around you are doing. 'Cause if it ain't helping you personally then what's the point? Death doesn't have to be mixed with religon or spirituality as we, the ones who deal with it, are just looking for some kind of excuse to give our souls some comfort. For some it may be turning to religon, for others it won't. Do what gives you the best way of dealing with it.

[Rab C Nesbit]

Thanks, Arf.
I had a bit of a spaz attack on The HunchBack last night, so I've decided I shall not be offloading to anyone, until I actually understand what's going on in my head, and how I'm feeling.
...but I really appreciate it.

Gujju, that's the thing.
Usually when I hear of someone's death, because they've gone, I usually spend some time thinking about who they were and stuff, and I gradually come to terms that they're not here in anymore.
I do pray, but my prayers are more like chats, and I probably pray like a million times on a normal day!

I just don't know how to go about this situation.
'Cause, my uncle's still here, he's still breathing, he's still feeling pain.

[Guji-Ji]

Originally Posted by Rab C Nesbit Gujju, that's the thing. Usually when I hear of someone's death, because they've gone, I usually spend some time thinking about who they were and stuff, and I gradually come to terms that they're not here in anymore. I do pray, but my prayers are more like chats, and I probably pray like a million times on a normal day! I just don't know how to go about this situation. 'Cause, my uncle's still here, he's still breathing, he's still feeling pain.

Well then keep doing that then. I think I'm a lot like you too in terms of dealing with it. When my grandad passed away I had massive regrets as I was never close to him and thought about what I could have done and all that. Don't want to go too much into it as it's not about me but my point is I didn't really look at what he's moving onto whereas family kept talking about him being in Jannah and lots of other stuff which at times irritated me 'cause there's no way of knowing. Well if the chats are helping you then keep chatting a million times. There's no need to do anything special just to remember him because sometimes comfort comes in the simplest things. As CP said just talking helps for some people. I know you said you're not offloading to anyone but talking to a stranger can help and I pretty much am so feel free to PM at anytime.

[$xy $onz]

its da worse fing eva 2 experience me n sidra lost our mate on friday she was da same age as us n still find it hard 2 believe dat she is gone i have experienced it many times b4 but neva hurt as much i guess cuz wasnt dat close 2 others

but losing dis mate had really got 2 all of us made us realised life is toooo short n seeing her 4 da last tym didnt want dat moment 2 end

[Pretzel]

A coupla random deaths happened last year and a event this year which scared me, it was so odd for me because i never expected it and no one ever expects death at a sudden... i dunno how i cope but i think its about finding your centre in the earth ( which i don't know how to explain ) sorta like finding where your most peacful, whether you pray or think of something or just carry on as normal...

[M4RN1]

I have never cried at a funeral / death or at someones illness , a major one.
I dont even 'feel' emotional'.


Im happy that they gone, The way I look at it is more time you spend in this world more time you going so sin. The quicker we go the better. To die, they go to a much better place.

At illness. Every toss and turn his sins are shrugged off like how you shrug a tree and all it's leaves fall off.

[Rab C Nesbit]

I'm really scared that he's going to go before I get back to see him tomorrow.
I've honestly never felt so "baby"ish.
I'm sure if I was watching myself, I'd tell myself to man up.
...but, this whole "waiting period" is really scaring me.

Son, I'm ever so sorry.
Losing someone is devastating.
...but when it's someone who's young, nothing can describe the shock and disbelief that one goes through.
My thoughts are with you and her family and friends.

[Rab C Nesbit]

I'm actually petrified...
We all fear he's not going to be around tomorrow

[shelim]

its losing anyone, whether friend or family member because we create bonds with them and have memories that may last forever...

my nan passed away on wednesday night back home and as far as i can remember i've only met her 4 times in my life... I was thinking about how much i missed her even how much i was looking forward to seeing her this year... Inshallah all the loved ones that have gone away from this world are able to rest in peace and see the gates of jannah soon...

[Red_Chillies]

Don't dwell on the what ifs. Sit next to him and talk to him. Say everything you ever wanted too. Don't keep things bottled up, it does nobody any good.