Paying for Another's Faults...

[Maya]

Originally Posted by CrazYt™ It is because of lack of education. Elders are not really clued up as they ought to be, or are only clued to one way of thinking and hence cannot see other points of view or even comprehend it. Also another factor that I think plays a part is that they are from a completely different generation to their children's and there are so many differences and conflicts between the mentality in these two consecutive generations. Rab C, you should consider getting someone in your family or outside the family who understands your situation and someone who your parents will give the time of day to talk to them if you have not already.

I completely agree with those points however what do you do when you can't over come them? what do you do when no-one is prepared to listen to what you have to say? what do you when you are being emotionally blackmailed into marriage and threatened to be cut off if you don't do what they want?

[Guji-Ji]

Originally Posted by Maya I completely agree with those points however what do you do when you can't over come them? what do you do when no-one is prepared to listen to what you have to say? what do you when you are being emotionally blackmailed into marriage and threatened to be cut off if you don't do what they want?

Then you go your own way. I believe in respecting and loving and honouring your parents and all that but not to the point where they dictate and rule your life against your wishes. Because after all it is your life...

[Maya]

Originally Posted by Guji-Ji Then you go your own way. I believe in respecting and loving and honouring your parents and all that but not to the point where they dictate and rule your life against your wishes. Because after all it is your life...

Isn't that easier said then done?

[DJ B4VVY]

Originally Posted by Maya I completely agree with those points however what do you do when you can't over come them? what do you do when no-one is prepared to listen to what you have to say? what do you when you are being emotionally blackmailed into marriage and threatened to be cut off if you don't do what they want?

Oh I know all about emotional blackmail etc. it's very difficult to be in that situation and yes it is easier said than done about leaving but once you've decided and left, don't look back because you will regret it just like I do. I should have just stayed put where I was and stood my ground. I shouldn't have given in to their emotional blackmail.

[Evil_Genious]

Originally Posted by Rab C Nesbit Crazy, I'm the misunderstood child in both, my immediate family, and extended... The only people who can vaguely follow me, are my nieces, and at the moment, my parents aren't too fond of them... - again, because of my sister. Mani, lol, they won't see what they're doing. They'll just forget about it when they find a new way to fuck me up. It was kind of pathetic of me to post all this BullShit up here, wasn't it? Great.

Yes. It was.

[Rab C Nesbit]

What can I do?
God gave me a fanny.

Diva, I don't talk to my sister anymore.
It doesn't matter how I approach her, she's never listened.
'cause she's older and that(!)

Bav, my household is full of vulnerable people. Let's forget they're family; I'd be a lousy person if I didn't fulfil my duty as a human to try and sort them out.

If your folks don't have an inkling of your beliefs and mentality, how can you expect them to know that you're not like every other BollyWood Wannabe Girl who dreams of weddings all the time?

[Maya]

Originally Posted by DJ B4VVY Oh I know all about emotional blackmail etc. it's very difficult to be in that situation and yes it is easier said than done about leaving but once you've decided and left, don't look back because you will regret it just like I do. I should have just stayed put where I was and stood my ground. I shouldn't have given in to their emotional blackmail.

You are right because later down the line regret will set in. That's what I'm thinking now but when people are pressuring you and making you choose where your 'loyalties' lie it messes with your head big time. It's only further down the line when you have done what they want that you realise what giving into their demands has done. Why do families use emotional blackmail? It's not right and it certainly isn't out of love!

[D351-GUND4M]

''follow the leader.....wonder whos leading''.....
''to lead or not to lead that is the question''......


well wha ever the case, im curious on this vendetta....the sibling has done...

p.s any older brothers.....



''the order was lost..........''begining'' to ''middle and end''...

[Guji-Ji]

Originally Posted by Maya Isn't that easier said then done?

Definitely. But one can only take so much...

[Maya]

Originally Posted by Guji-Ji Definitely. But one can only take so much...

I agree but by and large it gets to a point where they just crack and give in to whatever is being asked/forced upon them.

[DJ B4VVY]

Originally Posted by Maya You are right because later down the line regret will set in. That's what I'm thinking now but when people are pressuring you and making you choose where your 'loyalties' lie it messes with your head big time. It's only further down the line when you have done what they want that you realise what giving into their demands has done. Why do families use emotional blackmail? It's not right and it certainly isn't out of love!

I know and I regret it even more now because a similar thing is happening to me and I don't know how to get out or who to talk to, I don't just wanna up and leave without telling anyone this time, it's just not doing any good to me because I have reverted back to being depressed again and when I'm depressed I do stuff that I wouldn't normally do and other people just don't understand how my family make me feel, people say "at the end of the day they're family and you've gotta do what's right by them/your family brought you into this world and they clothed you, fed you and looked after you, stop being so ungrateful etc." I just don't know what to do!

[Maya]

Originally Posted by DJ B4VVY I know and I regret it even more now because a similar thing is happening to me and I don't know how to get out or who to talk to, I don't just wanna up and leave without telling anyone this time, it's just not doing any good to me because I have reverted back to being depressed again and when I'm depressed I do stuff that I wouldn't normally do and other people just don't understand how my family make me feel, people say "at the end of the day they're family and you've gotta do what's right by them/your family brought you into this world and they clothed you, fed you and looked after you, stop being so ungrateful etc." I just don't know what to do!

I sympathise with you. It's proper tough when you have no-one to turn to because unless they have gone through the same or a similar experience then it's easy for them to say... "oh, but your loyalities should be with your family, they are only doing what is best for you". I just don't accept that argument anymore because it is flawed. They are doing what is best for them and ultimately how they can go about saving face. Honouring your parents should not be at the cost of your own happiness because ultimately you will fall into a cycle of depression and resentment. A balance between what they would like and what you want needs to be sought! At the end of the day, if your family had your best interests at heart then they would never want to see you unhappy and they certainly wouldn't resort to tricks such as blackmail. That is the bottom line. What mother or father would want their child to walk around feeling sad and depressed? But how many just turn a blind eye and 'pretend' all is well. Talk about living in a fantasy world!

It makes me so angry because the asian community is swarming with hypocrites.

[Rab C Nesbit]

Originally Posted by Maya Honouring your parents should not be at the cost of your own happiness because ultimately you will fall into a cycle of resentment.

That's what I try so hard to go by...
But, sometimes, it's less hassle to find happiness in the fact that they're not pissed off at you, rather than concentrating on how much of yourself you're denying to the world.

[Maya]

Originally Posted by Rab C Nesbit That's what I try so hard to go by... But, sometimes, it's less hassle to find happiness in the fact that they're not pissed off at you, rather than concentrating on how much of yourself you're denying to the world.

I keep hearing that one Rab. So, we are supposed to settle eh?

[DJ B4VVY]

Yea I know what you're saying Rab that is why I want to do it differently this time, I don't want to run away with someone they won't approve of, this time I'm trying to find a guy they will atleast agree with me marrying but as for the moving out thing, they won't let me unless I get married which is also why I'm trying so hard to find a guy I can marry but it's not happening as I can't find a decent guy, at this rate I'm going to be living with my parents forever and crying myself to sleep every night because I'm so unhappy.